The Incorrigible Night Owl

I frequently diss country music, and I like to pretend I’m scoffing at it because I’m far too urbane and sophisticated for it to appeal to me. The truth is I don’t like it because, quite often, it makes me cry (or, at least, want to). If I were to listen to the local country station from, say, 9 to 5 tomorrow, there would probably be at least ten different songs that made me bawl like a baby. When I go into a business that is playing country music I tend to tune it out in case a real tearjerker comes on, so I won’t make a complete fool of myself. The first time I ever heard “Austin” by Blake Shelton I was in some store or another and I had the devil of a time trying to disguise my sniffling.

Today I was in Hallmark, shopping for Webkinz for the two older kids, and I let my guard down. There was country playing and I actually focused in on what was being said, and the bastards got me again. Once I clued in what the singer was saying, there went the waterworks. I came home and looked up the lyrics to the song I heard. Here it is:

She was staring out the window of that SUV
Complaining, saying “I can’t wait to turn 18″
She said “I’ll make my own money, and I’ll make my own rules”
Mama put the car in park out there in front of the school
Then she kissed her head and said “I was just like you”

You’re gonna miss this
You’re gonna want this back
You’re gonna wish these days hadn’t gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you’re gonna miss this

Before she knows it she’s a brand new bride
In a one-bedroom apartment, and her daddy stops by
He tells her “It’s a nice place”
She says “It’ll do for now”
Starts talking about babies and buying a house
Daddy shakes his head and says “Baby, just slow down”

Cause you’re gonna miss this
You’re gonna want this back
You’re gonna wish these days hadn’t gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you’re gonna miss this

Five years later there’s a plumber workin’ on the water heater
Dog’s barkin’, phone’s ringin’
One kid’s cryin’, one kid’s screamin’
She keeps apologizin’
He says “They don’t bother me.
I’ve got 2 babies of my own.
One’s 36, one’s 23.
Huh, it’s hard to believe, but …

You’re gonna miss this
You’re gonna want this back
You’re gonna wish these days hadn’t gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you’re gonna miss this”

So, there you go: the real reason I hate country music. How is it those cowboys know just what to say to tug at my heartstrings? Snuff dippin’, hat wearin’, ugly-belt-buckle sportin’ hillbillies. Gah.

(P.S., if someone could please tell me when and how I became such a sentimental fool, I’d appreciate it.)