Bad news

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I’m not even sure what to say so I will just say it. I had an ultrasound today and there’s no baby. So that’s that. I don’t really want to talk about it right now but I thought I’d put it on here so the news gets out and saves me from having to tell as many people.
You know, all I ask for is little stuff. Please let us stay in our house, please let us be able to pay our bills on time, please let the pregnancy be okay. Does any of it happen? No. It’s like somebody is sitting at the controls somewhere thinking, “Okay, now what other crap can we heap on these people just to be sadistic? Financial ruin isn’t enough. Hey! I know, how about a miscarriage! Perfect!” This is what I get as a reward for trying to be a good person as I go through my life. I may as well go become a lying, cheating criminal. I’m sure it can’t bring me much worse than what I’m already getting.

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About msmaryb

I'm a native Californian who lives in Oklahoma. I'm a full-time student, pursuing a Bachelors in Anthropology, following which I hope to attain a Masters in Archaeology. I have three kids, one husband, no pets, and a lot of friends - most of whom live inside my computer. I love to read, write, watch tv (shut up, we can't all be brain surgeons), shop, and travel. I'm trying to set foot in all 50 states before I die. I have 38, so far. I love the Beatles and Maroon 5, and if you think those two things are incongruous, well, they are. But that's me. When I love something, I love it 100%. I don't do anything halfway. I want to know everything there is to know, so I'm trying to cram as much into my brain as I can in the short amount of time I'm allotted in this dimension.

7 responses

  1. Oh Mary, I am so sorry. Even though it was unexpected, it was a welcome surprise and I am so sorry for your loss. Know that people will be thinking of you.

  2. I am so sorry, Mary…. I had a miscarriage and it is painful. All of my love to you at this time.

  3. I am so, so sorry. I too have had miscarriages and they are so terribly painful. To come at a time when you are also suffering in other areas is so cruel. I don’t pretend to understand, but I WILL pray for you, because I do know that only in His arms will you find the comfort that you so desperately need.
    Roz, friend of Tiff and Kiah.

  4. Mary – this is exactly the type of miscarriage I had back in ’03 – all the sx’s of pregnancy but no actual baby there. I think they called it a “blighted ovum.” To date, nobody has ever understood why this was so hard for me, after all, “it’s not like there was ever actually a baby.” Yes, there was. In my head, and in my heart. I didn’t get the loving comfort I needed at the time from anyone in my life, so I had to try to give it to myself. I honestly can’t say I’m over it even now, but the pain did ease with time. I hope you get the support you need from the people in your real life, but if not, please know that some of us out here in Internet-land do understand and are sending you lots of {{{hugs}}}.

  5. Mary. Many things that people say at times like this are more annoying than helpful (although everyone above managed to avoid that), so please forgive me if I blunder. I would like to tell you some stories about similar stuff that happened to me and how it all came out okay in the end, when you’re ready to hear them.
    But for now I will refrain from pumping sunshine up your skirt and say: My heart hurts for you, and be sure to allow yourself to be as sad as you need to be — don’t let anyone tell you this was anything other than a very painful loss that can and must be grieved — and love your husband and kids as hard as you can. Your family loves you, your friends love you — myself included — and we are here for you. Please call on me if you need to scream or cry or smile or whatever you need; I will be here for you. And if you need time and space for yourself, I’ll be waiting when you’re ready to reach out again.