My cat might, quite possibly, be too stupid to live


So we have an artificial tree that is pre-lit. Cosmo has taken to sleeping under it since there are no gifts, which doesn’t bother me (except I will probably have to have my tree skirt drycleaned for all the hair *sigh* ).
The other day I saw him gnawing at something at the bottom of the tree. I thought he was just chewing on the branch part and I yelled at him and he ran away.
Well, yesterday I got down there to straighten the skirt and I found broken light bulb lying on the tree skirt. That colossal MORON is chewing on the Christmas lights!!!! WHILE THEY’RE PLUGGED IN, I might add!
I caught him at it again today and squirted the ever-loving crap out of him with a water bottle. I figure the dimwit is either going to electrocute himself, Christmas Vacation-style, or he will ingest glass and die of internal injuries.
Natural selection at work, folks.
(By the way, I understand that he is a CAT and has no grasp of the concept that electricity = not for eating. What I don’t get is, why the hell is he doing it in the first place? What on earth could be even remotely appealing about gnawing a glass lightbulb? Really, is he THAT bored? Because I could totally borrow the neighbors’ insane cocker spaniels and turn them loose in the house if he needs something to do. It’s no problem. Really.)


About msmaryb

I'm a native Californian who lives in Oklahoma. I'm a full-time student, pursuing a Bachelors in Anthropology, following which I hope to attain a Masters in Archaeology. I have three kids, one husband, no pets, and a lot of friends - most of whom live inside my computer. I love to read, write, watch tv (shut up, we can't all be brain surgeons), shop, and travel. I'm trying to set foot in all 50 states before I die. I have 38, so far. I love the Beatles and Maroon 5, and if you think those two things are incongruous, well, they are. But that's me. When I love something, I love it 100%. I don't do anything halfway. I want to know everything there is to know, so I'm trying to cram as much into my brain as I can in the short amount of time I'm allotted in this dimension.

7 responses

  1. Mary: just a suggestion…why not wait until the “C dude” (Cosmo) is chewing on a bulb and THEN squirt him? I’m certain he’d get quite a shock out of that.

  2. Another idea. If the new restaurant takes off and becomes a smashing success, we have the idea for a new, second restaurant staring us in the face:
    Welcome to COSMO’S. Our specialty: Christmas light bulbs. A taste treat sensation to satisfy anyone’s picky pallet.

  3. When my dog chewed on the christmas lights, it scared the shit out of him. Literally. Hope the same doesn’t happen to Cosmo before it’s all said and done. Not a pretty sight, I promise you.

  4. Ummm… and under the title: Too Stupid to Own a Cat – the first time I saw my cat’s penis, I freaked out, thinking that he had swallowed a bulb from the Christmas tree and that it was stuck half-way out his rear. Thankfully, my boyfriend took the tweezers away from me just in time.