Things I Will Do When I’m Queen of the Freakin’ Universe, Chapter 37


#168: Make being creepy a jailable offense. Offenders will be incarcerated for a short time while going through a Creepiness Detoxification and Reprogramming course. They will then be sent to build homes for the poor until the hard labor has caused every remaining droplet of creepiness to ooze out of them and normal people no longer involuntarily shudder when coming into contact with the perpetrator.
First to be jailed will be the duo who sang the song “In the Year 2525”, followed immediately by Christopher Walken, everyone on that kids’ show “Lazytown” and whomever is responsible for those baby Bratz dolls.
I’m also considering making being inexcusably greasy a misdemeanor. The program’s inaugral ticket will be handed out to Colin Farrell.


About msmaryb

I'm a native Californian who lives in Oklahoma. I'm a full-time student, pursuing a Bachelors in Anthropology, following which I hope to attain a Masters in Archaeology. I have three kids, one husband, no pets, and a lot of friends - most of whom live inside my computer. I love to read, write, watch tv (shut up, we can't all be brain surgeons), shop, and travel. I'm trying to set foot in all 50 states before I die. I have 38, so far. I love the Beatles and Maroon 5, and if you think those two things are incongruous, well, they are. But that's me. When I love something, I love it 100%. I don't do anything halfway. I want to know everything there is to know, so I'm trying to cram as much into my brain as I can in the short amount of time I'm allotted in this dimension.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s