Rock of Yuck


When I found out Bret Michaels, lead singer of Poison, was doing a Bachelor-style reality dating show, I knew I had to watch. (Rock of Love on VH1, Sundays) Hey, I may be the world’s biggest Beatles fan but I still have a soft spot for my 80s hair metal bands. I thought it might be fun to see so I set my TiVo, not sure what to expect but curious how it would all pan out.
Well, several episodes in I am still watching, but only for the sheer train wreck factor. First off, I expected a lot of beautiful women — you know, real model types, like you used to see in Poison videos. Instead the producers have presented us with the motliest collection of ladies I’ve ever seen under one roof. There are some seriously fugly broads in that house. Several of them look like old leather pouches due to continual baking in tanning beds. As you might suspect there is not a set of natural boobs in the joint, which might explain how they got on the show in the first place despite their overall unattractiveness.
All this wouldn’t be so bad if there was a single likable girl in the group. On The Bachelor there are always a few girls to whom I take a liking and who I think the guy should choose. But, in this bunch, there isn’t one. They are all loud and obnoxious and bitchy. The quieter ones have already been sent home for not making asses of themselves — oh, I mean, they “didn’t know how to party”. It’s quite shocking how rude and disgusting these women are. They are, by and large, drunk, foul-mouthed, cigarette-smoking, morally-bankrupt skanks, for lack of a better term. They start drinking as soon as they roll out of bed. They curse like sailors. They get in catfights with each other. Watching the show I can almost see the fumes rising from those girls. I imagine they must smell something like an ashtray that’s been doused in bourbon. I am sure that some of them are fairly safe but Bret should seriously consider a round of penicillin if he gets too friendly with a few of them. Yes, it seems the producers culled the finest trailer parks across the nation to find these women. It’s really too bad they didn’t try to think outside the box and tap some classier sources for potentials.
And, no, this is not sour grapes on my part. I am long past my teenage-crush days. I was merely interested in the show as you’d be interested in an old friend from high school — you wonder how they’re doing and wish them well. I know Bret has been unlucky in love and I was hoping he’d find someone lovely out of this whole deal. I tried to find someone to root for but I couldn’t. There’s not a single woman on there who hasn’t struck me as trashy. The best I’ve been able to do is find a few to root against because they are the worst of the lot. I’ve been completely astonished as I’ve watched the show because it really seems as though they scraped the bottom of the barrel to find contestants. And I’ve been equally astonished that Bret seems to think they are all just wonderful. He keeps blaming rock and roll for the demise of all his previous relationships, which is probably true in a roundabout way (though not the way he’s thinking). I think it’s true in the sense that he keeps hooking up with these chicks you’d find backstage after a Poison concert. Perhaps if he’d find a nice girl who had something going for her other than silicone and alcoholism he’d have something that lasted.


About msmaryb

I'm a native Californian who lives in Oklahoma. I'm a full-time student, pursuing a Bachelors in Anthropology, following which I hope to attain a Masters in Archaeology. I have three kids, one husband, no pets, and a lot of friends - most of whom live inside my computer. I love to read, write, watch tv (shut up, we can't all be brain surgeons), shop, and travel. I'm trying to set foot in all 50 states before I die. I have 38, so far. I love the Beatles and Maroon 5, and if you think those two things are incongruous, well, they are. But that's me. When I love something, I love it 100%. I don't do anything halfway. I want to know everything there is to know, so I'm trying to cram as much into my brain as I can in the short amount of time I'm allotted in this dimension.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s