How to Traumatize a Baby in Two Easy Steps


Step one: Get a haircut. Go from just-below-shoulder-length to just-above-chin-length. Have bangs cut in after not having any for her entire life. Then, just for fun, get violent red highlights (think Ronald McDonald). Go home and speak to baby in your normal voice. She’ll find it very, very disconcerting.
Step two: Just after baby begins to get used to the new ‘do, leave the state. For five days.
The end result is yet to be determined but I have an unshakable suspicion she will be in therapy in fifteen years and this will all come out, somehow.
I arrived in Louisville, completely knackered, around 1:20 this afternoon. I had my usual night of crummy pre-trip sleep and then got up at 5:00 to get ready to go. To make up for it, though, the gods of good trip fortune smiled upon me and the travel was relatively painless. I made good time to DFW, despite some morning traffic. When I arrived there I found that both remote (read: cheapest) parking lots were full and my next-best choice was the express lots, which run $10-11 a day instead of $7. The night before I’d been researching parking and I had joked with Robert about the terminal valet parking, which will cost you a cool 24 bucks per day. I thought it was ridiculous and he said, “Yeah, that’s for people with expense accounts.” I agreed and we moved on.
Well, lo and behold, I arrived at the express lot and the gentleman manning the entrance produced a coupon and asked me if I’d be interested in trying the valet service — for $10 a day! You can’t beat that — that’s what I would’ve paid at the express lot, anyhow. And I have to say, now that I’ve seen how it works, it’s a pretty neat idea. You drive into the parking garage at the terminal, to the one-hour parking aisle. The valet takes your information and gives you a claim ticket and you just bop right across the street and into the terminal. When you return they will have your car waiting at your arrival terminal, right there in the one-hour parking section. I still wouldn’t pay twenty-four clams a day for it, but it’s sure worth the ten.
Anyway, back to the trip: the flight left on time, glory, hallelujah. (Perhaps it was American’s last-ditch attempt at trying to make their customers happy, to make up for their crap new policy ) It was a simple, 1-hour-and-35-minute affair and we actually arrived a little early. My bag was one of the first on the carousel and the shuttle I had booked showed up a little early. There was no line to check in, being that most people weren’t/aren’t arriving until tonight or tomorrow. I stopped and had the concierge make me dinner and brunch reservations and I was still in my room by 2:20. Yes, it was very painless, which sort of makes up for having to rise at an ungodly hour.
After I relaxed in my room for a couple of hours I went to dinner at the steakhouse next door (pretty good but nothing to write home about) and then went to the festival grounds. I was there a couple hours, listening to music and buying t-shirts for the kids (oh, and eating a funnel cake). Now I’m tucked in for the night. My room is overlooking the festival grounds so I can hear the music from the stage closest to the building pretty clearly.
Tomorrow I’m going to attempt to make it out of bed in time to go here Pete Best speak (Pete is the Beatles’ original drummer who was chucked out in favor of Ringo). At some point I will likely meander downtown and go to the Borders that’s there. Besides that, there isn’t much in the way of shopping so I’m not likely to get into too much trouble. My main activities for the rest of the weekend will be listening to music and eating. There’s something to be said for not renting a car — it keeps me from leaving the immediate area and wasting half a day doing stupid crap like finding a Gymboree or something. After all, I did come to rock, so rock, I shall.
And now, good folks, I will bid you a fond farewell. I am sitting here looking at the bed, faced with the prospect of my first solid night’s sleep in nearly eighteen months and it’s both exciting and scary. What if I’m completely unable to sleep for more than three hours straight, having been conditioned to wake frequently? That would kind of suck. However, even if that’s the case, I know I at least won’t be awakened for the day at 7:30 tomorrow morning. I might wake, out of habit, but you can be darned sure I will roll right over and go immediately back to sleep. So that’s an improvement, right there.
Good night to you all…..and to myself, as well.


About msmaryb

I'm a native Californian who lives in Oklahoma. I'm a full-time student, pursuing a Bachelors in Anthropology, following which I hope to attain a Masters in Archaeology. I have three kids, one husband, no pets, and a lot of friends - most of whom live inside my computer. I love to read, write, watch tv (shut up, we can't all be brain surgeons), shop, and travel. I'm trying to set foot in all 50 states before I die. I have 38, so far. I love the Beatles and Maroon 5, and if you think those two things are incongruous, well, they are. But that's me. When I love something, I love it 100%. I don't do anything halfway. I want to know everything there is to know, so I'm trying to cram as much into my brain as I can in the short amount of time I'm allotted in this dimension.

3 responses »

  1. Yeah, I want pictures, too!!! I was wondering when I was going to see “old Mary” again! (meaning, that creative seventh grader I used to hang out with whose mother used to let her color her hair in junior high). I was SOOOooooo jealous…..
    Have fun, enjoy the sleep and miss you!!!

  2. Hey! I’d like a photo or two, too. As for “letting her color her hair in junior high”…I didn’t “let” her. She came home with her first bleach job as a complete surprise to me. After that, as long as she didn’t go black, blue or green, I couldn’t see a problem with a change of color 🙂

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