A Good Old-Fashioned J/B Family Homecoming Celebration


What a lovely thing to which to come home!

Yes, in typical J/B family fashion, the worst and/or stupidest possible thing that could happen, did. Robert was driving my van through Hardesty, all four blocks of that thriving metropolis, when the gods of fate snapped out of a light doze and thought, “Oh my Us! Things have been FAR too quiet in the J/B household! Why, you might even say it’s been a bit boring, all this lacking in drama. We’d better get on the stick!”

So then Robert hit a horse.

It was dark and raining and he was only going about 30 mph but there stood the beast in the middle of the road in down”town” Hardesty. Whammo. First he thought it was a cow, because he really didn’t see it that well and when he went back to look for it the animal had fled (without even bothering to leave a note, can you imagine?) He had been able to perceive that it had been larger than a deer and so automatically assumed cow. But then I got home and took a look at the damage; particularly this:

Now, my grasp of physics and my spatial perception isn’t the greatest but I’m pretty sure that a cow could not smash in the entire windshield, top to bottom, excepting for if it had become airborne and then landed on the van (note: this did not happen). The only thing tall enough, by my reckoning, to create this kind of damage this high on the vehicle would be a horse. Additionally, the hairs stuck to the front of the car look suspiciously equine. So that’s the explanation we’re going with at this point unless some other ungulate wants to step up and claim responsibility.

This looks rather painful. I do hope if it was a horse it found its way home and is receiving medical attention. That way I can go back and shoot it later, right after I give the farmer the bill for the insurance deductible.

In evidence of our recently-improved luck we at least have good insurance coverage. We will have to pay the $750 deductible; however, it’s going to cost considerably more than that to put the thing to rights. (If this had happened three or four years ago it would’ve probably happened in a microsecond-long window in which we had no insurance coverage and it would’ve been four horses with rabies and highly contagious VD and the van would’ve been totalled and Robert hospitalized or, quite possibly, dead. So, you know, things have improved somewhat.)

Note the distinct lack of a rearview mirror or antenna.

Our kick-ass insurance also covers a rental car for up to $50 a day for 20 days. We’ve already picked up a nice Toyota Sienna from the local Enterprise office. (Me: “Maybe we can get the Odyssey fixed and just give it to Enterprise and keep this Toyota.” Robert: “Have you ever been tested for adult ADD?”)

Anyway, so it’s business as usual at our house. Apparently our bad car mojo has mutated in order to continue dogging us. We blocked the way it used to manifest itself, as mechanical troubles, by buying two super-reliable cars (a Honda and a Nissan). So now it’s made a lateral move to continual body damage. For those following along at home we have had this van less than six months. Prior to the Mr. Ed Incident it was already sporting this…

…a result of some asshat backing into it in a parking garage in OKC a week after we got it. And at some point while we were gone someone hit Robert’s car with something heavy, possibly trying to break into it as it sat in our driveway. There’s a large ding at the top of one of the rear passenger doors, right next to the window, and also scrapes down the glass.

I’m telling you, people, you can’t make this stuff up. And the only appropriate response, I’ve learned, is to laugh incredulously. Because, really, who else on earth but one of us would run over Trigger in the middle of beautiful downtown Hooterville, Oklahoma?

About msmaryb

I'm a native Californian who lives in Oklahoma. I'm a full-time student, pursuing a Bachelors in Anthropology, following which I hope to attain a Masters in Archaeology. I have three kids, one husband, no pets, and a lot of friends - most of whom live inside my computer. I love to read, write, watch tv (shut up, we can't all be brain surgeons), shop, and travel. I'm trying to set foot in all 50 states before I die. I have 38, so far. I love the Beatles and Maroon 5, and if you think those two things are incongruous, well, they are. But that's me. When I love something, I love it 100%. I don't do anything halfway. I want to know everything there is to know, so I'm trying to cram as much into my brain as I can in the short amount of time I'm allotted in this dimension.

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  1. Pingback: Rock Show « The Incorrigible Night Owl

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