Your ability to plumb the depths and discover all-new lows never ceases to amaze and delight. If by “delight” you mean “make me want to kill myself, or move to Canada. Maybe both.”
Nonetheless, I am simultaneously repulsed, horrified and filled with an inexplicable longing to know, intimately, the high-fructose corn syrup-laden textures and sensations of this fantastical beast.
Also, I grew another chin just reading the article. And I already had a few spares.